Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
