she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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