just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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