your thong is hanging out like whoa
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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