If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
