His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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