Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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