'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
