i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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