after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
