I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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