Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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