now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
