you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize