Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
