I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
