I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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