I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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