Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
