We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
