I'm laying in your front yard are you home
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
