Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
