she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
