I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
