did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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