she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
