sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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