She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
