I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
