we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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