you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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