I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
