When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
