so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
