you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
