Yo dont text me then not text me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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