i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
