I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
