I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
