people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize