remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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