My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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