I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
