no you cant smoke seaweed
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
