That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
