how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
