He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
