A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize