I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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