pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
