The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
