He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
