I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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