I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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