FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
where are my eyebrows?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
