Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
