God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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