She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize