Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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