Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
