The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
