So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize