im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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