Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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