I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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