she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
