This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
