Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My pussy is not your playground.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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