3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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