Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
