Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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