My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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