so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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