took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
