i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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