I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
