I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
