I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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