you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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