I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
