I understand Curling. That high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
